So recently I've been reading stuff on the slutwalks a few months ago. There's been a lot of argument back and forth about whether it's productive, whether it's inclusive, all sortsa stuff. And I think what tips the balance in terms of who I agree with it's not so much a rational "the numbers say this" things as a feeling, a nitpick I've had for a long time.

I'm tired of having to be afraid.

When I was a kid I learned "Stranger Danger". All adults you don't know are dangerous. Do not approach, speak to, get within grabbing distance of, etc. And I get why I was taught that. But it never went away, not even now that I'm an adult myself and expected to talk to strangers on a daily basis. It has not helped with my anxiety problems, to say the least. I don't know what would be a better way to teach children, unfortunately.

When I grew up I learned about rape. It could, no, it WILL happen to me if I go to Stanley Park at night, if I hitchhike, if I travel in other countries alone, if I meet someone from the internet somewhere private, if I go to the bad part of town alone, if I wear a short skirt (I almost never wear dresses in public, they make me feel like a target), if I act female, or indecisive, or friendly, if I look lost, if I go out on a quiet night alone, if I don't watch my drink, if I don't carry a weapon (although I don't, I wouldn't have the guts to use one anyway) or mace or something, if I wear high heels, if I get drunk..... I've always been told that these things result in rape and/or death.

It's pretty scary.

And that makes me angry. I shouldn't have to be this afraid. I shouldn't feel like a target because I'm wearing a dress. I shouldn't have a stranger tell me I'd "Better be careful or I'll get what I'm asking for", because I was walking on the same street and wearing knee-high boots. I shouldn't be afraid to go out at night alone. I shouldn't have to assume if I don't keep an eye on my drink at the bar some bastard will slip me a roofie.

Practically, I'm not going to stop taking this stupid, crappy horribleness into account. It's better to be paranoid and anxiety-ridden than dead in a dumpster. I have already had the creeping, awful feeling of realizing a car is following you down a deserted residential street and I'd like to not do that again. But the fact that I live in a world where those are my freaking choices makes me really angry. It shouldn't be like this.

I want to make it not be like this. I find it hard to argue with someone who is trying to make it not be like this.

But hey, I have a job now! So ah...groovy. Ahem....

*putters off*